[Edit: sorry for the abstract writing, i was so sleepy while typing this. It was a long day😥]
This week the new semester began and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna suck worse than the previous one. The classes are uninteresting, the professors either boring or unwilling to teach properly their subject. These little things are that make me question myself on why I chose to study at this particular department& university. Is it really what I want to become? A maritime economist? Nawwww!!!! Is the knowledge I get interesting& valuable enough for me to carry on there? What I’m gonna do with my life? I only have 3 semesters left. I have to decide and make a plan, because I need to chase some opportunities, I’m 21, or a 3-year-old adult. I need to take risks for me, for my own wellbeing ; not to fulfill my family’s expectations of me.
You know, I’m always dreaming that I work at art galleries or that I own one. I try to find a way to enter to the “art industry”, but I find it sooo hard, especially in Greece. Money is a big issue too. Will I be financially able to continue my studies for a master’s, in order to become more specialized on something more art-related? When? Where? All those questions are constantly in my head…
Today was NOT a good day whatsoever. I had had a anxiety attack for the second time in my life (I have prevented a dozen others tho) for the dumbest reason ever. So, let me explain what happened. I had a 2-hour break from class so me and a friend of mine headed to a hospital close to uni, for my friend to get her test results. I said I was going to wait for her outside and bring some coffee. I entered the coffee shop and made my order while searching for my wallet, which I could not find. Mind you, at this point, that I can’t recall any moment that I had taken my wallet off of my bag. I canceled the order and stepped outside the coffee shop to try and find my wallet. When I was 100% sure that it wasn’t in my bag, my hands started shaking and I began to cry. Nonstop. I called my brother who was at home to ask him if the wallet was there (it was), but even if he assured that it wasn’t stolen or missing, I just couldn’t stop crying. Why? I don’t know. I think it was just an incident that triggered a reaction for the great anxiety and sadness I’ve been feeling lately. The thing os that I cannot find the reasoning behind those feelings. I try to work it out but it’s so difficult😢
This (potential) series of blogs are for me, firstly, to express my feelings in hopes of overcoming my fears and daemons, and then, for all of you struggling with some broke ass student’s problems, like me and for your entertainment of course.
P.s.: I really want to translate some of my posts from Greek to English, but it’s really hard for me to express myself in English when it comes to politics and activist stuff. I’LL TRY MY BEST THO😂